From the Mouth of the Max (i.e. Maxisms)

Here are few funny things Max has said recently:

I brought him home teaching with me the other day. My companion is originally from the Philippines and has an accent. While he was teaching our family Max looks at me:

Max: "What language is he speaking?"
Dad: "English."
Max: "Do you speak English?"
Dad: "Yes, and so do you."

Later, I was teaching him how to say You are beautiful in German. (Du bist schoen)

Max: Does mommy know how to say that?
Dad: I'm not sure, I think I've taught her that. I sure think she's beautiful don't you?
Max: Yeah she is, but her tummy is getting too big.

He was sitting on the toilet the other day:

Max (in a strained voice): My [boy part] hurts!
Dad: Why?
Max (still in a strained voice): I don't know.
Max (no longer strained): It's teeny tiny.

Today after church:

Max: Dad these are the things we can play: pirates, marbles, games...
Mom (interrupting): And give mom a kiss!
Max: No mom! I'm spending time with Daddy right now!!

Dat hav Cow Meok?

For years now people have been quoting (i.e. Mocking) my adorable now 5 year old asking if a food or drink has any dairy content. Well, Lisa and Beth (two of my sisters who like to mock him), he now need not ask that question.

Yesterday he had another allergy test (still pending some lab blood tests) (did I ever tell you that I used to be a phlebotomist for two weeks!) and is now only allergic to those nasty cats and nasty dusts. His allergy to cow milk and associated derivatives, beef, dogs, and beef dogs did not register on this test! It is very nice to know that our limited food products have become more liberated (not that he'll eating anything aside from corn dogs and dino nuggets!).

Naturally, being such kind parents that we are, we aren't going to tell him about the disappearance of the dog allergy, as we do not want to be bombarded by "Can we get a dog, pwease??" questions. Cruel? Maybe, but can you blame me? We might let him know he can have cow milk things, but we're still undecided.

P.S. He will be getting tubes placed in his ears for the third time on Monday.

Chutes and Ladders

After nap time this evening Max, Sam and I played a barrage of games: Candy Land (Max's favorite), followed by a few rounds of HI HO! Cherry-O, a couple tries at Chutes and Ladders, and finally Sam's favorite: Cranium Cariboo.



It was after Sam and I won the the first round of Chutes and Ladders by taking first place in the dog show, ("Best in Show" if you will,) and part way up the longest ladder having successfully helped a cat down from a tree, that I saw a problem with this game. Sure it teaches children the a valuable lesson in the consequences of our actions, the exercise of our free agency, as well as the rewards from good choices. (I think Max actually thought I was mad at him when I exclaimed "Uh oh, you colored on the wall again!!", but then I smiled and then he smiled.) But have you ever really considered what values are being imparted by the examples in this game?



Case in point:

Let's begin with the biggest Ladder. You can move from square #28 to #84 by doing something as stupid as climbing a tree (without a ladder) to help some cat that was dumb enough to climb the same tree. Why, I ask, is it such a great thing to climb trees? I'm sure the kid's mother told him not to climb it!? Why move forward 56 squares for this and only 10 for baking a nice cake, or only 16 for cleaning the house?


Soon Max will think he can either spend all of his Saturday mowing the lawn (22 squares), baking (again 10 squares), actually eating his healthy food (a measly 8), and finding mom's purse (20); or just go outside and climb the forbidden tree to get the neighbors cat, to which he is allergic. I mean really, what would have happened had he fallen out of the tree?
Answer: If we look at the trend of the chutes: he may become hypothermic (I hope they revive Meredith Grey) from falling through thin ice (-22), break a window with a baseball (-20), or graffiti something (-20).

Following these pattern's I'm sure he'll only lose about 5 squares or so. It's not a bad gamble then to try to save the @#%! cat, and have all of Saturday left to slide down all of the other chutes without losing much ground.

Or you could spend all your time with said cat and win the pet show and simultaneously win the whole freakin' game!

Basically, the trend that I have come to recognize in this game is "Help control the pet population; have your pet spayed or neutered." I guess if you are nice to animals you'll do well in life, even without a high school diploma. Don't worry about homework, hard work, or kindness to other homosapiens, just focus on cats and dogs (yes, bandaging a rabid dog will get you one space further than if you help the lady recover her stolen satchel).

Well, it is a fun game, but I can't help but wonder if Hasbro is getting a kick back from the Humane Society and/or Bob Barker. At least they give you 38 squares for planting a seed and you could stretch it and liken that one unto faith, but who are they kidding? What are the odds of getting a "one" on your fist spin? (A: 1 in 6)



P.S. I think pulling on a cats tail should be a ladder rather than a chute!

Finally SNOW...well a little at least

Friday morning, while Em was out getting her glucose tested, I got to stay home with the boys for a couple of hours! Luckily when we woke up it had snowed and was snowing!! So, with great excitement we got bundled up and went out and put Max's sled to work. (He's only had limited time to use it since Santa dropped it off).

And of course we finished it all off with a little H.C.

Cat Got Your Tongue?

There are two types of people in this world...those who love dogs and those who don't.

I rarely watch the news, but last night I was watching it while performing a little dental hygiene. I 'm glad I did, watch the news as well as floss, because this following story came on (and I got the plaque out of there). It will either make you cringe and cry or lol:

They say every dog has its day, and one local pooch had one heck of a day. This is truly an amazing story and one that is playing out more often around the country because more and more people have paper shredders at home.
Riley is a 7-month-old mutt who got himself in a real jam this weekend.
Riley's owner Dorothy Itle says, "He was hovering over the shredder and I kept trying to push him away and he stuck his tongue out. I still shudder just thinking about it"
Dorothy rushed Riley to the animal ER in West Toledo. "I knew it had to be serious the way he yelped. All I could think of is that I have to get him to the hospital as quickly as possible."
Animal Emergency and Critical Care Dr. Kittsen McCumber says, "The shredder makes noise, the dog goes to check it out, he sniffs it and licks it, and his tongue starts feeding through the shredder."
Riley underwent a complex surgery. Amazingly Riley was eating and drinking just eight hours after surgery.

I have to admit that my response was a loud guffaw and continued laughter. I slightly apologize to any who may be offended, but it was funny.