Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I HATE MY CAR

So I don't really hate it. It's been pretty OK most of the time. Unfortunately it doesn't always want to start when I ask it to, and this is becoming a more frequent experience. It's not the battery, I know a dead battery when I don't hear one. But it just keeps trying and trying and trying and trying to start but doesn't "catch." What do I do you may ask? Well, the first time I called AAA. But when they failed to show up after an hour, I went back out and tried it again and it started right away. Hummm? So the next time it happened, I just waited and then it started again...The 45th time last week when trying to go to the Red Sox game it decided it didn't want to assist me in said endeavor. So I rode with my friend and came back after the game and it started. Hmmm. Then today it happened again and now an hour later it hasn't started!! Why?? Well I try again in the morning after Em drops me off at work.


So, why do I like it? Well, it has some great functions.
  • There is a small opening in the driver's side window where I can put the clothes hanger when I lock my keys in the car. (Yes, it has come in handy more than I would like to admit.)
  • It has a built in, this is a recent addition, foot massager so that when I accelerate the floor vibrates at a high frequency, thus massaging/tickling my feet.
  • The speakers have an auto-volume function. When I hit a bump, the lack of shocks seems to let some speakers take a break and blocks some noises from playing. In combination with the floor massaging unit comes a loud noise, so I get lots of looks in the ghetto without having had to shell lots of dough for a loud muffler.
  • It has a moon/rain roof. When I park on our slanted drive way AND it rains, it collects around 2-2.45 gallons of water which is decanted as the car is leveled out and/or accelerates. I'm not sure how to take full advantage of this feature...yet.
  • One of my favorite arcade games was spy hunter, so when I found out about the smoke screen function I was wicked excited. I've only tried it on an actual person once as one of the neighbors made the mistake of timing his walk with my departure for work in the morning.
  • I think there is one more hidden function I haven't tapped into. The whole time I've been driving the faded blue wonder there has been a cord hanging down underneath the engine area. I haven't reached under to pull it yet, however I suspect it may be attached to a parachute feature. I may try it just before I drive it off the dock into the bay by our house prior to moving!
18 days * 2 times a day= 36 more starts needed!

Please work!

**Sorry, someone already claimed it at the garage sale on Saturday. If you want you can try to out bid him!!


6 comments:

FOX said...

lol!!!

come on!!!! You have to tell us how much you sold it for at a garage sale!!!!

acte gratuit said...

I have tears in my eyes from laughing. (And from sympathy.) He's not exaggerating. And he neglected to mention the lack of A/C and the fact that yesterday it was 100 degrees with 100% humidity!!!

Sweet-Cheeks, you deserve serious props for being humble enough to drive that piece of $%&# for this long! And the $600 car deserve props for lasting this long!!!!!!!!!

FOX said...

Well there you go Doug! You have your own sauna too!!!

Wow you guys must be rich!!!!

Linz said...

That does sound like a great car! Too bad I can't buy it from you...

The Jonas Family said...

sorry to hear of your poor car! Do you plan on abandoning it when you move and buying another one in Japan?

Mona said...

Weird. My car has the same problem. Some times it starts immediately. Other times it takes 20+ attempts to start it and it is not the battery.

I have decided that there is a direct correlation between the heat of the day, the lack of shade, and the ease/difficulty of starting the car.

I pray for shade.